Hi everyone – It’s time for some real talk. Lots (and lots) of new things are happening in my PhD: I’m starting recruitment in hospital clinics next week; I’ve been organising and carrying out two studies at once; while trying to write a couple papers and apply for funding, seminars, etc. The days of an empty calendar and my nose buried in papers (or staring at a computer screen) are over, and likely not returning until my data collection is over. And guess what. I’m scared. And stressed. And anxious. New things are always hard, and I’m fairly introverted (though good at hiding it most of the time). The idea of making phone calls and approaching stressed and worried strangers in a healthcare setting sounds like the 10th circle of hell—Population: me. The “honeymoon phase” that I naively thought would continue forever, where I loved what I was doing and every day was interesting and fun, is winding down. I still am (extremely) interested in my topic. Perhaps even more so now that I’m talking to my participants and realising how much can be done to improve their healthcare and lifestyles. But my decisions today have real ramifications for the quality of my research – I can’t put off things until “I’ve just looked at a few more papers”. That’s scary!! And I’ve had a couple recent setbacks that only confirm that I’m doing real research, with real people:
To quote my partner, “It’s almost like you’re doing research with real people. Real people are messy”. I don’t really know what the point of this post is. I think it’s easy to think when looking at Twitter or talking to other PhD students, that everyone’s research is going well and it’s all under control. I do feel some competition talking to other PhD students at times, either a “who’s more miserable and busy” or “who’s doing the best and giving the most talks and winning awards” competition. Everyone is on their own journey, and I think the best thing we can do is be honest with each other and support one another. My plan to tackle this phase of “PhD blues” is to make sure I’m taking care of myself – eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and being kind to myself. I’m also seeking out support from friends, family and my healthcare team. A PhD is a lonely journey, but that doesn’t mean you have to go it alone.
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Author. About.Audrey Buelo. PhD student at the University of Edinburgh. (Mostly) professional and research-related musings - with the odd cat picture. Archives
April 2019
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